a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
