I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
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