I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
