I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
