If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
I met the friendliest cop last night
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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