I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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