I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
