my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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