We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
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