you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
Randomize
