Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
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