tell your sister to shave her snatch
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
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