marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
