we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
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