drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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