I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
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