I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
