What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
