the new term for farting is butt boxing.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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