You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Randomize
