I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
