I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Randomize