i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
