After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
