Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
Randomize