Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
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