considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Randomize
