Apparently you make a good broom.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Randomize
