dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
