Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
