you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Randomize
