he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Randomize
