He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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