I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
