Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Randomize
