I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
