You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
