Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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