This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
