i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize