Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
it glows. i had to have it.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
