The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
