dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
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