"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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