Your face is a jimmy john
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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