I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
Randomize
