I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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