"it" just moved
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
People in love make me want to vomit
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
Randomize
