Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Randomize
