I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
