someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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