It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
I yelled at your uterus for you.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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