talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Randomize
