How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
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