I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Randomize
