you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
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