Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
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