"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
