Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
