Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
