Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Randomize
