would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
