We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
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