I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Randomize