Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
