You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize