I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
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