I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Randomize
