I puked a lego.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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