The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
ya dads aren't the best wingmen
i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
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