I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
