Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Randomize
