was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
