"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
She even gives head with a lisp.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
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