Umm I'm too high to move.
hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
I murdered the dance floor call the cops
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
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