I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
the room spins SO much faster in panama
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Randomize
