Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Randomize
