you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
