we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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