Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
