my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Randomize
