My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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