I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Randomize
