I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
