tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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