I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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