Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
The adults are the big ones right?
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
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