he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize
