she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Randomize