Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
What drink are we having for lunch?
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
