Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Randomize
