I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
