Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Randomize
