I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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