i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Dicks are not precious.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Randomize
