you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
