Only a mothe r could love this liver
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize