She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
